So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
