Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
