Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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