sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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