Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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