They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
