my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
