If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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