i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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