My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
