If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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