I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
