I haven't been this sober since birth.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
