worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
