i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
