When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
