i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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