so explain again why im purple
no
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
