he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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