bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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