I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
