my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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