He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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