somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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