BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
