At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize