gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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