I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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