I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
