oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
