i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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