She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
