Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
