he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
