Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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