He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize