right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
