so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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