No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
