i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
