It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
