do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Blood and glitter go together right?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize