accomplished twins. life is a go
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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