She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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