If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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