Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
