Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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