So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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