I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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