R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
