Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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