can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
