Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
