areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
