i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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