I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sarcasm needs its own font
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
