I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
