the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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