There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
