its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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