I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
