it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
