He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
