dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
