I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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