i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
