apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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