508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
