the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
