dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
