Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
