Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
