This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
