i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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