McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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