Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
