enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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