He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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