i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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