I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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