You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
