the day after is always just damage control
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
