I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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